To Paris with Love

Before dinner at Le Dome. Last night in Paris.

I had the loveliest time in Paris, exploring the different museums and tourist sites. Doing yoga in front of the Eiffel Tower. Wandering the catacombs and the Pere Lachaise cemetery. The light and dark aspects of the city, and life, but all things beautiful. Delicious food and wine. Pain au Chocolat and eclairs. La Galarie Dior. Champagne at the foot of Sacre Coeur. By foot and on metro, covering kilometer after kilometer each day, then getting up each morning to head out again. Basking in the sun, and soaking up the raindrops.    

Jim Morrison’s grave at Père Lachaise Cemetery.

My journey to Paris started seven years ago, after a quick trip to Toulouse inspired me to learn French. Growing up, and through my twenties, I had little interest in France. Of course, Paris always looked like a beautiful and complex city, but in earnest, not a city that was calling me to visit. I was fixated on Spain, specifically, Madrid, Seville, and Barcelona. After all, I had studied Spanish in high school, and minored in it in college. My favorite artists were Spanish; their paintings are housed in the Prado, my favorite museum. I celebrated every birthday and special occasion at Cafe Iberico in Chicago, which has since closed as a casualty of the pandemic. I actually first visited the restaurant as a high school student, on a field trip with the Spanish Club. As the years went on, into my twenties and early thirties, I couldn’t get enough of their gambas al ajillo, patatas bravas, and of course, pitchers of sangria. Spain, and the Spanish culture, were tied to happy memories and my journey to adulthood. I even had lunch at Cafe Iberico to celebrate choosing my wedding gown, along with my mom and bridesmaids. A gown I would never wear.

In 2017, I decided to join my friend on her trip to Barcelona and we tacked on a quick trip to Toulouse, since it was only a few hours away by train. For me, the whole trip was a last minute undertaking. I had recently made the difficult, but correct decision to end an engagement. As cliche as it may sound, every ending kicks off a new beginning, and you never know where that first step will take you, or what spark will light the torch that guides the way on your new journey. 

A few hours into my visit to Toulouse.

It happened that my spark was ignited on that two day trip to Toulouse in early December. I wandered the streets of the city and visited the Christmas market, with its festive holiday display and sweet scents of roasted nuts and mulled wine wafting through the air. The beautiful, bright lights, shaped as diamonds and snowflakes, twinkled above the vendor stalls in the plaza next to city hall. Next to the market, there was an adorable Christmas tree ride, with children sitting in the ornaments as the tree slowly rotated like a carousel. 

Marché de Noël de Toulouse in 2017.

Marché de Noël de Toulouse in 2017.

I enjoyed the cheerful atmosphere throughout the Ville Rose, drank wine, and ate cassoulet. The city, and its inhabitants were so kind, and at the end of the trip, my only regret was that I couldn’t fully communicate with those that initiated conversation. Of course, prior to the trip, I made a point to learn a few phrases to be polite, but I knew that being able to speak or read the language would have made my experience even that much better. Given, I had always enjoyed learning a language, and the cultural elements that went along with it, and I was feeling inspired, I decided to enroll in beginner French classes at the Alliance Francaise in Chicago in early 2018.

Learning a new language, especially as an adult, is intimidating. Those inevitable moments when your teacher calls on you to answer a question, and you tense up as your mind goes blank. It’s easy to find yourself feeling silly in front of a room full of people. If you’re anything like me, those moments stick with you hours after class ends. Nothing discourages me more than performing below my potential, and yet, that’s par for course when learning something new. You will not always meet the standards that you set for yourself. Learning a new language requires that you give yourself grace for your mistakes, and also, give yourself credit for trying in the first place. Especially when there is no pay incentive, degree requirement, or any other reward at the end of the session. In fact, the course of learning can go on indefinitely; the choice is up to the participant. 

As an introvert, I needed to mentally prepare myself for classes each week. I knew that to learn, I would need to actively participate in engaging with a new language, outloud, in front of my class. A vulnerable position for anyone to put themselves in, and here I was, doing it willingly. It was not uncommon for me to second guess my reason for being in the class, and my ability to continue to show up week after week. In truth, there were many occasions where I took a break from classes, needing to alleviate the stress of being “on” and allowing myself to retreat into my comfort zone for a bit. Luckily, I kept finding my way back to class, and found a community along the way, even getting involved as a volunteer and Professional Group member at the Alliance Francaise. 

Initially, I had planned to visit Paris for the first time in 2020, but the world had bigger issues to address first. In 2023, I finally rebooked my trip and found my way to the City of Lights. 

Was my French perfect? No, but I was able to communicate with those around me. I was able to connect with the city and the people in it. To appreciate the art at the Louvre and the charm of the left bank. It was a rewarding experience, to know that I set a goal, and was able to put it into action. To be my own example, showing that it's never too late to follow a spark of inspiration, to start something new, and see where the journey takes you. 

Lunch at Les Deux Magots.

For me, my journey to begin learning the French language and culture coincided with my own journey to learn more about myself, to give myself the permission to evolve, and the space to grow into the woman that I was meant to become. Both initiatives were leaps of faith and launching pads into the next phase of my life. Immersing myself in the beautiful aspects of the world, with all its complexities, and being brave enough to use my voice in front of a crowd. In the years of my studying French, I have also learned to walk away from people and situations that persuaded me to dim my light and make myself small. Through the ups and downs, I have worked hard to gain a new sense of self, and I’m committed to pushing forward and continuing to choose myself; To be bold enough to stand tall, and sometimes alone, and sparkle for five minutes at the top of every hour, regardless of who is there to witness the occasion and without fear of what others might say.

The Eiffel Tower frorm the Seine.

So what’s next? My journey continues. So world, brace yourself for a strong, confident woman, who knows what she wants and what she deserves. And to Paris, à bientôt! 

Lauren in Paris.